the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
