i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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