I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize