If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
