So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
