my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
