I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
