Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
where are my eyebrows?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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