Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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