i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
