No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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