She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
