I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
