Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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