If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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