you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
