im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
