So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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