he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
