I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
