I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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