At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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