Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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