My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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