Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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