I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
