i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Boobs speak an international language.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize