I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
