we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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