I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
