go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
