can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
