If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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