The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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