Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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