how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
