The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
