i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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