does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
