he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
