i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i believe in u and ur pee
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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