I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
