you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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