and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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