Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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