Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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