Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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