did you get engaged???
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
