He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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