I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
