Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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