new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
