I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
