Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
