Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
