Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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