I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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